Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
