my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
