Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
