It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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