Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
