I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
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I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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