I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
