you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
