White coat. Heels.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
