I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
