i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
