new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.