Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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