he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
