and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
