i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize