How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
