McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
