my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
