hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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