My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
