JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize