My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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