You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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