Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
