I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
