Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
