My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
And then he peed in my hair
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