Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
