It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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