quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
