Your mouth is God's brothel.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
