4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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