This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I met the friendliest cop last night
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
