i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
