Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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