I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
