so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
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There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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