erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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