Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
