God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
