Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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