you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
