Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i believe in u and ur pee
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
