Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
