It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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