No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's never too late to be topless.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
