Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
