covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
