Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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