Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
