i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
