Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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