put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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