Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My vagina just recognized that song.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
