I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
