Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He felt like a one man threesome
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
