just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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