the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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