Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
