how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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