Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
