Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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