I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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