I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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