Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
