wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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