Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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