I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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