I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
