even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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