i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm at about main and main street
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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