I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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