SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
