i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Someone signed my nipple.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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