mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize