he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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