She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Is it because I queefed?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
