Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
