Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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