so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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