ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
