If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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